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Another Cosmic Offense

While exploring the internet I occasionally find myself at sites I normally wouldn’t visit, such as those dedicated to religious beliefs. OK, to be honest I sometimes visit those deliberately just to stir up a bit of trouble when I am in the mood for “trolling”, but in the case I am discussing here it was just a fortuitous incident.

So this site (which was actually a blog post titled “3 Words, 7 Letters, One Cosmic Offense”) discussed using a phrase which God might find offensive, specifically “Oh my God”. At least I think that’s what he was referring to because he never actually wrote it, presumably because he was worried about incurring his God’s wrath.

So at this point you are probably thinking one of two things: if you are just as nutty as the author of the site, or if you just unthinkingly accept the old adage that religion is above criticism, you are probably thinking he is quite right and that non-believers like me have no right to criticise; but if you are a normal, rational person you are probably thinking more along the same lines as me.

So, what am I thinking?

Well how about this: has God really got nothing better to do than spy on us (kind of creepy really) and get upset if we use the wrong words? Why isn’t he out there doing the things which most people would see as being more important, like helping the poor, and those affected by disasters (the disasters God himself caused because he’s omnipotent), or all those other “good and loving God” things?

And according to this blogger saying “Oh my God” isn’t just a small thing either. The post seems to suggest that saying it is really bad. In fact “Using this phrase is the same as urinating on the cross of Jesus, and spitting on the face of God.” and “it’s the most vile exclamation that can come out of your mouth. It might as well be vomit.” and “they are defecating in God’s holy temple by saying these three disgusting words”.

I love the way these religious zealots get all wound up about this sort of thing and resort to all sorts of crazy hyperbole. It reminds me of the political zealots, like the libertarian nut job I have been debating recently, who seem to be under the illusion that the government’s main purpose in life is pointing guns at people and shooting them as required.

But I suppose I should say that I do find this shortcut to upsetting God very convenient. I mean saying a few words is so much more convenient than all those other things, because it’s so hard to find a handy cross to urinate on nowadays (many of them are a bit inaccessible on top of church steeples, etc). And the next time I have the urge to spit on the face of God I’ll just say “Oh my God” instead. Maybe God is a thoughtful person after all because he’s made it just so easy to insult him – there’s very little effort required at all.

Because everyone knows that evil atheists like me love insulting God because we just hate him so much and totally refuse to admit his rightful authority or even his existence! Well to be perfectly honest if God did exist and he was a such a doofus that he cared about something so trivial then I probably would enjoy insulting him.

But you might be wondering how I know all of this is true. It’s because it says so in the Bible and that’s never wrong! Exodus 20:7 says “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain”. I guess because I’m a repeat offender I wil get even more severe punishment but I suppose I deserve it. After all, it seems that God puts a lot of effort into enforcing this rule. No wonder he has no time left to look after the poor, and sick, and homeless!

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